NEWS
Nathaniel (Insert Last Name Here) Triumphs at FNM
MAY 1, 2015
In addition to the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, the rule of Nathaniel is now upon us. Nathaniel (Lets go with Slagathor) triumphed over the competition with his White Blue Heroic deck on 24/4/2015. Beating out many verteran players, including Luke Telfer who some say was beaten worse than when Paul returns home drunk (every night.)
Age proved to not be a major factor in magic skill as another major contender Curtis " The Flatulence" Legall, who may or may not have been too senile to know that he was not actually in his seniors Bingo night, was destroyed with a mere wave of Nathaniel's hand. For the final the young winner was seen vying up against Latchman and putting him in his place in his place i.e. in line for mandatory sterlization.
Heartfelt congratulations go out to rising star, Digicel and otherwise, may victory follow you like Timothy follows fried food.
Local Idiot Wins MTG: Dragons of Tarkir Game Day
APRIL 17, 2015
Dale Seecharan wins MTG Dragons of Tarkir game day with stunning RG dragons deck proving that old people really are.... disgusting. Dale Seecharan shocked fellow players with his aggressive deck and the new found ability to almost keep his bowels continent. Stunned onlookers were heard saying, "Does he really leave the house with a face like that?"
The win is Dale's second, the first being when he trounced the competition in for the Return to Ravnica Gameday winning a completely unused Merciless Eviction mat and the loving adoration of no one. His victory was even more impressive in that he had no losses... unlike his hair line.
When fellow multi-gameday champion and current head judge, Rhys Libert, was asked what he though of the victory he responded by saying, "How did you get into my house?" Other players were asked for comment on the victory including Ronnie, Dale Harbajan and Luke Telfer, however they were unable to be reached as they still have not ended their turn. Rishi Boodoo, a leading horse in the competition was also asked for a comment but no one cared to listen.
Congratulations on your victory Dale, we hope that you will continue to wear shoes to hide your unsightly smelly feet.